Dating & Domestic Violence

Hendrix Clinic and Health Center houses MSUM's domestic/dating violence counselor who provides Free and Confidential services to students directly affected by domestic/dating violence and those close to them.

Services 

• Crisis internvention
• One to one counseling
• Support groups
• Legal and medical advocacy 
   

Domestic & Dating Violence Facts 

• Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence-nearly 20 per 1000 women (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000)   
• Domestic & dating violence crosses all economic, social and racial lines
• 1 in 5 college women will experience some type of dating violence
• Jealousy is not a sign of love
• More than half of all stalking victims are berween 18 and 29 years of age (National Violence Against Women Survey)

Types of Partner Violence 

• Physical: slapping, hitting, choking, pushing etc.
• Emotional: name calling, putting partner down, threats etc.
• Sexual: sexual coercion, sexual assault, etc.
• Psychological: it is like warfare, keeping partner up for hours and hours, destroying personal property, not allowing partner to go places, taking car keys, taking phone so they can not call anyone etc.

Myths & Facts 

• MYTH: Dating violence isn't that big of deal and it is a phase, they will grow out of.
• MYTH: Males and females abuse each other equally.
• MYTH: Abusers are not loving partners.
• MYTH: Cyberstalkers are not dangerous.
• MYTH: Jealousy is a sign of love.
• FACT: 1 in 4 teens experience dating violence.
• FACT: 30% of teens murdered in this country are killed by their boyfriends.
• FACT: Many abusive adults were abusive to partners when they were younger.
• FACT: They do not "grow out of" the abusive behavior.
• FACT: Most victims are female and most perpetrators and male.
• FACT: Jealousy is a sign of control.
• FACT: Many describe their partners as attentive, playful, sensitive and affectionate when they are not abusive.
• FACT: If a cyberstalker takes the harassment offline, a woman may receive harassing mail or phone calls. The stalker may also know where she lives.

Warning Signs Your Partner May Be Abusive 

• Extreme jealousy
• Exhibits controlling behavior (20 questions all the time: who were you talking to, who were you with, what did you talk about, etc.)
• Quick heavy involvement in relationship
• Isolates you from family and friends
• Believes in rigid sex roles
• Blames others for their problems
• Cruel to animals
• Partner makes threats of violence
• Partner is really nice at times and really mean at other times. Almost like two different people.

What To Do If You Are In an Abusive Relationship 

• Make sure you are safe. Even if you haven't decided to get out of the relationship, get to a safe place where you can take some time for yourself and think about your options.
• Get support.Talk to a friend, RA, professor or roommate. Isolation is one of the most common forms of abuse. There are people who will support you if you ask.
• Get help. Contact the Hendrix Clinic and Counseling Center on campus and talk to the counselor who is experienced in this area. Services are free and talking to someone may help you sort out your feelings and options available to you.
• Call 218.477.2211

What To Do If You Are Concerned About a Friend 

• Let your friend know you are concerned about them. Talk to them. Listen to them and try not to judge them.Even if your friend is not ready to talk about the relationship, you have let them know you care and they may talk to you down the road.
• If a friend tells you they are in an abusive relationship, believe what they are telling you. This person trusts you with the information. Let them know they do not deserve to be abused and there is help on campus and in the community.

10 Things Men Can Do To Prevent Gender Violence 

1. Recognize that gender violence is a men's issue that affects women whom you care about
2. Confront the abusive behavior of other males by not remaining silent
3. Understand how your own actions may perpetuate sexism and violence and work toward changing them
4. Gently offer your support if you suspect a women close to you is being abused or has been sexually assaulted or stalked
5. Respect women and treat them as equals
6. Be an ally to women who are working to end all forms of gender violence
7. Speak out against homophobia and gay-bashing
8. Educate yourself and others about masculinity, gender unequality and the causes of gender violence
9. Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men without degrading ot abusing girls and women
10. Refuse to purchase any magazines, videos or music that portray women in a degrading manner or include violence against women

Campus & Community Resources 

• Hendrix Clinic and Counseling Center 218.477.2211(Free and Confidential)
• Rape and Abuse Crisis Center of Fargo Moorhead 701.293.7273 (Free and Confidential)

Staff Only